Twenty-eight is by no means old. But this is the first year I've felt like, "Whoa, I better get my shit together. People might start expecting things out of me soon. Like babies." A co-worker asked me how I felt about turning 28 last week and my response was a essentially just eye-rolling and gagging noises. To which she said, "Oh really? I figured you were one of those people who really couldn't care less." Which either means I need to step up my beauty routine or I've successfully tricked the people around me into thinking I'm one of those blessed individuals who can't be bothered by something so trivial as my age. I wish.
Instead, I can't help but lament (just a little) the loss of times when I could blame my ignorance on naivety. When bouncers raised their eyebrows over the legitimacy of my I.D. When my theory that "anything you eat between midnight and when you wake up the next day doesn't count" held water. And what I find saddest of all is that I'm officially too old to accomplish anything that would put me in the category of "people doing amazing things at shockingly young ages." the wunderkind ship hath sailed (or it's at least pulling away from the dock). I might as well throw in the fucking towel.
No. Because even if I'm not one of the gracefully decaying people, I can pretend. And for exactly that purpose I've put together a handy list of reasons why it's awesome to get older. I plan on referring to it in moments of wistful longing for an idealized youth I probably never had. Feel free to do the same.
1. It's really fun to use eye cream
2. You feel comfortable in your own skin
3. Accidental pregnancies can be happy occasions
4. You can buy houses and cars
5. You become funnier
6. You already have enough friends
7. It's less important that your weekends sound exciting
8. You gain valuable insights that make you a better person
That's all I could come up with. Getting older blows. If you don't agree, feel free to tell me why it doesn't below.
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