i already know i won't like it

Do you want to be friends with any of these yahoos? I don't.

I like to think I know myself pretty well. I might not be entirely thrilled with the whole demented puzzle, but I've accepted it. If there's anything else lurking around in there, I say, better not to know. because let's be honest, what do you think I would discover buried in places I didn't know existed? It wouldn't be a latent talent for harp playing or anything else I'd be proud of. More than likely it would just be another distressing foible. What's the good in that?

That's one school of thought anyway. The other is that it's important to continue exposing yourself to new and unfamiliar situations so you can grow and better understand yourself. Or at the very least, find out how you really feel about social taboos, like fisting. But, see, I'm pretty sure I already know how I feel about fisting. If it were to turn out that I'm wrong in that assumption, would I be glad to know? Probably not. So why would I ever want to go to a place where such a thing isn't taboo at all? "To push your personal boundaries," said one Burning Man veteran who was trying to convince me that a place where you can learn to punch a stranger in the ovaries is a mecca of progress and acceptance. No thanks. 

However, the conversation did make me wonder if I'm missing something. It's not that I'm not open to new experiences. I just happen to be open to those that I can imagine myself--the self I already know--enjoying. But what if this narrow view is keeping me from experiencing things that could potentially make me a different and/or better person? I don't mean saying yes to things that go against my moral code, but saying yes to opportunities to do things that might feel a little uncomfortable.

I'm thinking about it. But if I miss the opportunity to feel the overwhelming rush of jumping out of a plane because the idea of it makes me nauseous, I don't actually care so much. On the other hand, there are things like parenting. That's something with a lot of unknowns, a lot of unpleasant sounding elements and serious potential for failure. But the reward of having a little creature to love and teach and never allow to go to Burning Man seems worth the risk. So, maybe it's not that I'm against doing new, scary things that could go terribly wrong or reveal disheartening features of my character, I just want it to be meaningful.