it won't write itself

Photo: Vogue Italia

In order to call yourself a writer, you have to write. A lot. And I do, but mostly as a copywriter for method and various freelance clients. That means the majority of my work revolves around finding the cleverest way to describe laundry detergent or a new web app. I thoroughly enjoy my job, but it often leaves me with very little to give to my own creative endeavors. At least this is the excuse I use for why i'm not further along on the book I started writing over two years ago.

Which brings me to The Things I Tell Myself, not only the dreary theme of my internal monologue, but the title of the book I continue to stress out about, yet not complete. Part of the problem is that I'm what some might call lazy. I dilly-dally. I get distracted. I drink wine. But if I'm honest with myself, and you, my real hang-up is the fear that it's going to suck. I dilly-dally because if I put fingers to keyboard and what comes out is an utter disappointment, then I am an utter disappointment. Talk about cutting yourself some slack.

Last year M printed out a copy of my outline and made it into a makeshift book to inspire me. It currently sits on a tiny writing desk at the top of our stairs, mocking me every morning in my flurry to get out the door and on every trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's a constant reminder of what I could be doing if I were a different kind of person. The kind of person who finishes things she starts, even if the finished product isn't perfect.

I was recently editing an article that one of our founders wrote about starting method and he began it by saying that he had no exceptional talents other than "unbridled motivation." It's not often you hear someone admit such a thing. It made me realize that this is the difference between those who succeed and those who write blog posts about their hopes for success. I'd rather be the former, but what if i can never summon the drive it takes? I guess we'll have to wait and see. 

My use of the word "wait" here probably doesn't bode well.