i'm sorry (i'm not sorry)

Not sorry.

I'm constantly saying I'm sorry. I hardly ever mean it. That's because I apologize for everything. Though shockingly, almost never for the things that come out of my mouth. Don't be mistaken, I'm not a pushover, I just have a nasty habit of begging the pardon of strangers whose paths I have the nerve to cross. Oh, did you just crush my foot with your stiletto? I'm sorry! Were you not expecting someone to be waiting for the elevator when you disembarked? I'm sorry! Was my ribcage irritatingly sticking out as you elbowed your way through the crowd? Well actually, under those circumstances, I might say excuse me. Because obviously, I was slowing you down.

There's literally no end to the leeway I give to people who couldn't care less. Unless I'm drunk. In which case, I'll probably throw my drink in your face. I'm not sure what this is about. It's like a knee-jerk reaction I can't seem to stop from leaving my mouth. I'm not really sorry. What would i be sorry for? Existing? No. Is it that I want to be thought of as a nice person, and I have an underlying belief I'm not even aware of that nice people say they're sorry? Doubtful, but it must have a root cause. I'd just like to get to the bottom of it because today I apologized to a man on a unicycle who was in grave danger of losing control of his ridiculous mode of transportation and taking me down with him. I think we all know who was actually at fault here, yet I was the one who apologized. 

It's obvious that I need to get my wanton benevolence under control. I have a reputation to uphold. Not to mention, I'm afraid if i keep up this "I'm sorry" when i'm not sorry routine, I could become someone who actually feels sorry for wrongs that never existed. And that would be pathetic. So that's it, I'm done saying I'm sorry (unless I really, really mean it). I'm just not sure what I'll say instead. Maybe hello.