breaking up is hard to do

Photo: Mario Testino

Ending a friendship is tricky business. If you go with the slow fizzle, you risk that your attempts to dodge her invitations will be mistaken as legitimate unavailability, setting in motion a perpetual cycle of guilt. Or you can sit her down and tell her how the traits you once found so endearing now make you cringe, inevitably hurting her feelings and painting you in a terrible light.

When you end a romantic relationship, you can make a pretty clean break. You can give the ol' "I'm too busy for a relationship right now." Or the "I'm not in a place in my life where I can commit to one person." You can even say, "I no longer find you attractive and want to explore the options that my good looks afford me." These do not work with friendships. Mostly due to the assumption that you can never have too many friends. I disagree. 

There are only a finite number of hours in every day. I am at work for at least eight of them. I'm sleeping for another 8-9 (I'm not kidding; I'd take naps if I could). That's roughly 17 hours already gone. Tack on lollygagging and eating and I'm nearly booked up. If you're not M (who I happen to find endlessly entertaining) or someone pretty fucking spectacular, it's hard for me to justify moving things around to spend my very limited time wishing I were somewhere else.

A friend in college once said to me that he always felt special being my friend because I dislike so many other people. That makes me sound like a misanthrope. I'm not. It's just that only have so much to give. I'd rather give a whole lot to those I truly care about than engage in countless shallow relationships. He did also finish by saying, "It's nice to feel like I was singled out." 

That's how I hope all of my friends feel. Because I think you're tops. If you're not sure I feel this way about you, well, I've probably been trying to find a socially acceptable way to end things for awhile now.