to the cougars

 

Ed Westwick and Helena Christensen, Photo: Terry Richardson

I don't like all the hype that cougars are getting. It's not the older-woman-dates-younger-man scenario that bothers me in the least. It's the way this thing is being carried out that makes it embarrassing for the entire female gender. "Forty is the new twenty." It's really not.

Women have been free to date younger men for quite some time. It may not have been mainstream in generations past, but there was no law prohibiting it. The lust over younger men just didn't become a thing until Demi Moore locked one down. Apparently that's when the over-forty set was sent a memo stating something along the lines of "if a woman whose beauty defies all laws of gravity and logic can marry a hot young stud, so can you." 
 

Suddenly women who would have never considered such a thing are donning platform heels, having Restylane injections and turning up at their sons' graduation parties wearing push-up bras. If i remember correctly, Mrs. Robinson was a rather mysterious and sophisticated older woman, not one who flitted around with her breasts on display, throwing her head back at all the young boys' jokes. This new generation of women on the prowl is a lot less subtle.
 

I liken it to watching squirrels trying to eat from a bird-feeder. Sure, they can climb up there and get the seeds, but it wasn't meant for them, so it's kind of messy and sad. I thought we lived in an era where it was strong, successful women who were celebrated. Since when did strong translate into going on a man-seeking rampage in questionable attire? There was a cougar convention in Palo Alto, for god's sake. It's gone too far. 

 

All of this said, young men are gorgeous, and should an older woman find herself in the apt hands of one, more power to you. All i'm saying is that there's a respectable way to do it. The following are a few points to keep it reeled in. 
 

1) Don't refer to yourself as a cougar.

2) Repeat this phrase: I am not Samantha from Sex and the City. She is a fictional character.

3) Do not attend parties where everyone else is so young that the other guests wonder who brought their mom along.

4) Furthermore, getting drunk and falling over is unattractive in your twenties. It's pathetic in your forties.

5) Do not feign interest in popular bands or sartorial trends for the sake of connecting with a younger audience. If a guy wanted to date a 25-year-old, he would date a 25-year-old.

6)  Do not make it your business to sleep with every young, foreign man who works at your office. Even if English is not his first language, you will get a reputation.

7) Unless you are actually a celebrity, resist the urge to imitate the style of your younger counterparts. I know it's unfair, but some things really are only acceptable in L.A. 

8) Taking seductive one-handed photos of yourself for any social networking site is not the act of a mature, confident woman. Don't do it.

9) Desperation is to men what fear is to dogs. Both react unkindly.
10) Please, act your age.